**pops head out to say** I am insane. Yes, because today I have a killer migraine and what do I decide to do? Work on my cataloguing. Which means reading miles of code, checking code for errors, etc. Staring at symbols and numbers and letters is NOT the way to feel better. Yet, this was my day today. Thus, it's official: I am insane.

Note to producers of NCIS: It is definitely cruel and unusual punishment to make us wait a week (better not be more!) to find out "Will he or won't he?" Grrr.

Got hit HARD by the flu early Friday morning. And yes, I did get my flu shot this year along with my H1N1 shot. Unfortunately, they take ten to 14 days to work, and I got them 7 days ago. wth? It's like there's some demon out there just waiting and watching, screaming "Get her! Get her quick before the vaccines kick in!". Haven't been this sick since my chemo in 2006. Flu + low white blood cell count + severe anemia = 1 week of strict bed rest (or the doctor will have me hospitalized, and I hate that). And just to spice things up a bit, apparently I also have a kidney infection and a kidney that's not functioning properly (ya' think? 10 kidney stones later and I sorta figured this one out already).

On the bright side, I sent my daughter a text that I was really sick and so she might want to stay at school for the weekend instead of coming home. So what happened? An hour later she's walking in the door declaring "I've come to take care of you". THIS made my day, week, year. I can't remember the last time I had someone do this for me. But I will never forget this time.

I joined the community wtf_sexism and it makes me angry and sad that there is so much sexism in the world today. I've seen posts that point to articles that say that women are ruining science fiction, that women should not be in science/technology fields, rape is something "every man has inside him", and so much more. And I want to show these posts (and the responses) to anyone who says "I'm not really a feminist but . . ." When did feminism become a bad word?! If you believe in equality between the sexes then you're a feminist. That's it in a nutshell. I grew up in a household that was mostly female (grandmother/mother/sister/me plus grandfather, who left when I was in grade 8). My mother was fiercely independant, and so I was raised to believe that I could do/be anything - the idea that I couldn't/shouldn't be/do something because I was female never occurred to me. I have raised my own kids this way. Yet even my daughter once told me that she thought feminism, or the need for it, was "dead". I was horrified, but when we talked about it, it turned out that because she never lets gender be an issue in anything she does, and has never had a problem with it, she assumes it's like that for everyone. Is this the naivete of youth? Or is it indicative of a wider perception? Do young women believe that there is no more "old boy's club"? That all the glass ceilings have been shattered? These thoughts disturb me . . . a lot.

I seem to be coming up against a lot of things that just piss me off this week. Latest piss-off: the fact that our Prime Minister has prorogued Parliament for two months until after the Olympics. Excuse me?! Our elected officials get two fricking months off? That must be one helluva party they have planned. Are they also going to forfeit 2/12 of their pay for this year, since they wont be working those months? Yeah, right. Imagaine the taxpayer's joy at knowing that we get to pay these idiots for this extended vacation. As if the summer and Christmas breaks they get aren't enough. And last I checked, the Olympics only run for 2 weeks. So why the extra 6 weeks?! Harper clearly has no respect for or concept of the average Canadian's life. People across the country have lost their jobs, lost their homes, lost their pensions, and more. And here he gives himself and his people this paid vacation. I have no respect for him. I respect his office, but not the man currently in the office. The man is an ass.

I hate it when people ask me "What kind of books do you like to read?". More often than not I answer with "Good ones." Yeah, I know - snarky. But they want to pin me down to a genre, and that just isn't going to happen. Ever. My current backlog consists of a thriller, a historical romance, a supernatural romance, a modern sci-fi, a classic feminist sci-fi, a horror classic and a magazine full of short stories. As someone once said "90% of everything is crud"; I try to find the other 10%, regardless of genre.

Strange but true: in the historical romance I just finished the heroine is trying to read Shakespeare's sonnets, in particular, the "Love does not alter when it alteration finds" one. She also reads "Castle of Otranto". Why is this strange? Because BOTH of these were in the two lit. courses I just finished! AND, I also studied Poe's "The Cask of Amontillado". I'd never heard of Amontillado till this story yet, I'm looking in the liquor store for something new in a port for hubby and what do I find? An Amontillado!!! Strange but true.

Directions that show 4 different methods of hooking up the audio for my DVR and 4 for hooking up the video WITHOUT explaining when to use each method are NO FUCKING HELP!!! Hubby and daughter could not get it working right. Finally tossed guide and helpers and did it myself. It now works. This is a relief because this weekend there are Torchwood and Stargate: Universe marathons as well as back-to-back episodes of the 2-part finale for David Tennant in Dr. Who.

In a related story - we bought a Media player and can now play downloaded items on our TV without having to convert the format from computer files to TV files. This is HUGE because I have a lot of stuff in AVI format. Like Merlin. Dr. Who. Torchwood. Etc., etc., etc.

Pain has been preventing me from getting much sleep and I'm at the point where I'm desperate for sleep. The one advantage? I watched a Jane Austen marathon last night - Mansfield Park, Persuasion and Northanger Abbey. Persuasion - only ASH's performance makes this one worth watching. The heroine (Anne Elliot) just doesn't make you care about her.

I had a houseful here for Christmas, but it was a good day, so it was worth all the work. My sister and her ex both came and were civil to each other (mainly by hardly speaking to each other), but it means that their kids got to spend Christmas with both parents, which was the whole point.

My son brought his 4-month old kitten home with him, which I was fine with. I really love her. Pure black and she runs around the house like a - well, like a demon (thus her name - Demon). The highlight? We heard a crash and thought "Oh my god, the fish!". I jumped up to run out to save the fish, tangled my foot in my purse strap, went flying, fell face first, landing on my bad knee, and wrenching my back. Two days later I couldn't move I was in so much pain, but hey - the fish survived! lmao.

Everyone's left now except my daughter, who leaves Sunday. It's much quieter here now. Tonight I'm going to see Avatar, which should be fun. Then I have a bottle of wine chilling to see in the New Year.

The #1 item on my Xmas list this year was the Blu-Ray of the new Star Trek movie (the one that comes in the U.S.S. Enterprise model). I am now the proud owner of said item! :D We all watched it last night, and everyone loved it (even the non-Star Trek fans). And books! I got so many books, I'm in heaven!!! Have read 2 already, and am now deciding on book #3. You know, I ALWAYS stay in on Boxing Day, because that is MY day to relax. No cooking, no cleaning, just doing whatever I feel like doing. Then someone suggested going to the book store. I have no will power when it comes to books. So, for the first time, I went out shopping on Boxing Day. And bought 3 more books (and a magazine). Did I mention I have no will power? Yeah, I thought so.

Oh, and I now have Merlin Season 1 that will play on my TV (as opposed to watching it on my laptop), so that makes me very happy! I asked for Volume 1 of the Glee soundtrack, but poor hubby got so confused . . . he did get me the episodes (which is great, since I missed a couple), but couldn't understand why a TV show had a CD?! I've already downloaded a number of the songs though, so I'm happy with the eps.

All in all, a good Christmas - no major crises, everyone got along (mostly), and a good time was had by all.

Happy New Year to all!

I'm a little put out today. I talked to my sister last night; the same sister who I have spent countless hours patiently listening to her onload on me because she's just separated from her husband, and she is in severe physical pain. Here's what she said "I was talking to XXX (the wife of one of her ex's brothers), and it was so nice to hear someone be on my side of all of this. She's the only person through all of this who has supported me." See, I thought that's what I was doing; apparently not in her opinion. So, yeah, I'm a little put out. To add insult to injury, at some point she also made the comment that "I don't have any family". Um, last I checked, sisters were family. She just made me feel like I'd suddenly turned invisible. Which, I can do just fine on my own, but to hear her do it to me was hurtful. I know, she had no idea what she was saying, but that kind of makes it worse. She and I are the only living members of our immediate family left, or so I thought. But, apparently, I'm not "family". Kind of takes the shine off the season.

I got a telemarketing call this morning. This was at least the 6th call from the same outfit. You get a recording urging you to "press 1 to speak to an operator" as "this is your last chance to reduce the interest on your credit card". Well, see, I don't pay interest on mine, because it's a prepaid card, so I knew this was bullshit. Then it says "press 2 to be removed from our call list". First four calls, I pressed 2. Call #5, I pressed 1, and told them, that I had repeatedly requested I be removed from their list, and to do it or I was going to report them. Today was call #6. Now, I was furious. Pressed 1, and told the person the history, then said I was going to report them to the BBB, the Do-Not-Call List, and the government. As I'm saying this, I hear the man speaking, so I stopped talking and this is what I heard: "Here's the problem. First off, you're a bitch, you're a loser, your mother f****ing hates you". I hung up. I was so stunned that I just sat there for a minute. Understand, when I get angry in a situation like this, I get icily calm (kind of like Giles in this regard). So, I'm quite sure it wasn't my attitude that set the guy off. Once I got over the shock, I contacted the BBB, the DNC, and the government's Ministry of Consumer Affairs; next I'm going to report them to Bell Canada for harassment, all of which made me feel slightly better.
Still . . . it was a helluva way to start my day.

Timi. Our buddy. 1995-2009. Loving and loved forever.

The cat hasn't eaten in two days. This is bad. . . very bad. She's already lost so much weight, she can't go on like this. I'm not in denial about what's happening, I'm just in . . . massive upset. Going to go and sit with her now.

I have a lot of insomnia, and one of the things I do when I can't sleep is I play computer games. Tonight, I finished one; you know how at the end of a game you get a list of the "top scores"? Well, usually when you buy a game it comes with a list of "fake" names and scores, and as people play the game, their scores get added to this list. So, here was the list of fake names the game came with:

Olivia, James, Emily, Michael, Stephen, Ethan, and . . . Anthony. I kid you not. I reread the list many times, trying to convince myself that it was just coincidence. I think not. Anyway, it made me laugh. Didn't make me any sleepier, but laughter is good. lol.

I should be studying, but, kungfucarrie posted such a gorgeous picture of ASH at ash_daily that now all I can do is stare and sigh (see icon).

I have work to do.

It'll have to wait. lol.

Just coming up for a quick breath of air before I dive back into my studies. So far, I'm pacing myself and it's going well. From now till Christmas: 2 assignments, 1 major paper and 3 exams. omg. Right now I'm just totally pissed off at one of my profs. He wants an analysis of one viewpoint over the others in literary criticism . . . in 250 words. Which has to include 5 paragraphs, each of which has to include a topic sentence, and evidence to support the topic, and the evidence has to have specific references to works of literature. 50 words per paragraph. No fucking way. I'm handing mine is as is (don't ask how many words it is, I'm trying to forget). It's not worth a lot percentage-wise, so if I lose marks for length, so be it. Point is, I'M happy with it.

The great thing is, I've been turned on to so many wonderful authors through one of my courses. Like Raccoona Sheldon. Loved her "The Screwfly Solution", and intend to read more of hers.

For a badly-needed break, I'm taking my daughter and 2 of her friends to see New Moon. I said break - not a deep movie/literary experience. I need pure fantasy right now. I saw 2012 with my partner, but really, end-of-the-world scenarios are not really "fluff". I need fluff.

I've also been escaping into my world of music when I need a break. I discovered I like Adam Lambert's "Miracles", and Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance", but I find the Stereo's "Throw Your Hands Up" um, kinda boring and repetitive. I also like Hedley's "Ka-Ching". Oh, and Pink's Funhouse is great. It's just great to discover new music that I like. And, there's old faves too. ASH, of course. I was listening to an ABBA song the other day - Waterloo - and it suddenly hit me that this song is very D/s. Why did I never notice this before? **shakes head in amusement**.

Back to work.

For five days now I've been trying to ignore the pain and pretend everything's ok, but today it just got too much for me. I've had abdominal pain since Sunday. If I don't eat, the pain gets worse, if I do eat, I get nauseous. Painkillers don't help. I've had this pain before, and they can't seem to find what causes it. Eventually, it just disappears, but I never know how long it'll hang around. Spent a good part of today at the ER, but, same answer. It's not life-threatening - that's all they can tell me at the moment. Wonderful. (Sorry, as you can see, I'm not in the best of moods and that tends to bring out the heavy sarcasm). I have an assignment due in about 4 hours. I'm tempted to just blow it off, which I NEVER do. I would love nothing better than to just go and lie down and try to tune out the pain, but, the pain isn't going to go away, so I might as well spend the time working on the assignment. It's only worth 5% of my mark, so I'm not really sweating over it, but, it's poetry, and while I really love Robert Frost, I'm not loving the assignment. See, I like poetry - I just don't like analyzing it. *sigh* And, I have guests coming this weekend. Lovely.

Today is a day when I HAVE to try and find good things in my life, so, here they are:

1. My cat is much improved. She's eating and almost back to normal. I know there's no cure, but, I'll take what I can get because I love her so much.

2. I downloaded a bunch of music last night (because the pain was keeping me awake), and I found a copy of McHale's version of Dancing With Myself from last night's Glee, which made me very happy.

3. I have good friends.

That's pretty much it today. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

I watched Bones tonight, and, I'm still sitting here thinking "awwwww....". Although I'm guessing we won't see the other half of this storyline until the May sweeps. Still, I loved this episode. Because I am such a sap **smiles sappily**. And then Glee came on, which I haven't seen in a while, and there was this incredible rendition of Billy Idol's "Dancing With Myself". Now, normally, I'm not a big fan of other people's versions of Billy's songs, but this was just freaking amazing. Good enough, in fact, to make me seriously consider buying the Season 1 CD (if this song is on it). I know there's been some backlash against an able-bodied person playing the role of disabled Artie, but omg, if this is an example of what Kevin McHale is capable of, it's no wonder he won the role. So, it was a great night of TV for me tonight! And - Booth in love . . . sigh.

Have I mentioned how much I love Halloween? Favourite holiday of the year . . . I know, it's not officially a holiday, but it should be. IMHO. This year, there were 5 pumpkins. First - my personal favourite - is Spock (see icon). Second, was the Bat signal (for my daughter, who's going to a party dressed at Batgirl. Third, was Nemo. Fourth, was a flaming skull. And fifth, was a ...well, it's kind of hard to describe, but it's a pond (think open clam shell), filled with a cascading fountain, and peopled not with fish, but with spiders (complete with changing coloured lights). Then, of course, there are the skeletons, vampires, skulls, webs, etc., etc. Much, much love!!!

Today has been a MUCH better day than yesterday. Yesterday was full of tears as we all absorbed the knowledge that some day soon, we're going to lose one of our kitties. Not today. Not tomorrow. But she has a tumour, and we can delay, but not avoid, the inevitable. The good news is, yesterday and today she has been eating! Yay! She even went and ate her sister's food, which is a first in a very long time.

I'm still carrying around the grief, but I'm going to deal with it one day at a time, and today was a good for her, so, I'm going to be happy for her today.

Even finding out I have sprained my left wrist (I'm a leftie too) didn't ruin my day. My school work's under control, I got new meds to help with my asthma, and I'm (slowly) improving my icon skills, so I can now spend some time creating the kind of icons I've wanted (hopefully).

Speaking of which, I was looking for some new ASH pics to use for said icons, and up pops one where he's wearing black leather studded underwear, and nothing but. Damn near fell off my chair (and no, that's not how I sprained my wrist. lol). This is from a tv ep. I have not seen. Why have I not seen this ep? And then, I started to feel like a voyeur, so I moved on in my search. Followed by a lecture that this was not voyeurism . . . this was a valid still from a tv show. It kinda' worked. I'm just really touchy about private vs. public lives when it comes to celebrities. This is public though, right?

Okay, back to school work. And, I need to write again. It's been awhile, and I miss it. I have a plot bunny that's been running through my head that involves Uther, and a lake, and a female - I'm just not sure who I want that female to be. School work first. Uther afterwords.

One of my cats is not eating. I don't mean she's picky, I mean she's not eating anything, and is now far too skinny. I've tried everything I can think of, and have talked to the vet several times. I take her back again tomorrow, but, if she won't eat anything at all . . . I'm terrified of what the vet is going to say tomorrow. Because, if she won't eat, and we can't figure out why. **sob** I can't let her starve to death - that would be cruel and inhumane. This night is going to be long, and yet not long enough. And, to make matters worse, if she's not going to get better, I have to tell my kids, and my daughter is still reeling from having her boyfriend break up with her (out of the blue). This, she does not need. I read that our thoughts can affect the world around us - I wish my thoughts could cure my kitty - I wish it were that simple. But how can you cure anything when there's diagnosis? I'd do anything for her, if I just knew what. I remember, 3 years ago, when I was in the middle of my chemo, sitting up all night with her sister, who was deathly ill. I just refused to let her go. I had this feeling that if I didn't stay with her, she'd slip away in the night. She made it through the night, and slowly but surely, got better. I'm hoping for another miracle now for her sister.

Was surfing the internet and came across this: Anthony Head is auctioning off the glasses he wore as Rupert Giles to aid a charity. If you're interested, I've posted the link:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/somerset/content/articles/2004/10/08/anthony_head_giles_auction_feature.shtml

This is a flyby post, and I didn't have time to look up how to correctly code a link, so, if this turns out wrong, you can just copy and paste the address I've given.

God, wouldn't I love to own these. **sigh**

Oh, and they come with a letter from Tony certifying their authenticity.